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19. It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. {in...: Heb. in the land of the desert}
Another (Verse 9), perhaps even a stronger, picture of the misery of domestic dissension! It is better to be destitute altogether of the communion of social life, if it must be purchased at so dear a rate as the companionship of one, whose contentions will turn every comfort into bitterness. It is better to dwell, not only “upon the house-top,” where there might be alleviation, but even in the wilderness; giving up all social indulgences for desolation, solitude, and even dangers.† Oh! it is the poison in ‘the sweetest cup of earth's best joy,’ where “two are joined to each other, and made one flesh” (Matthew 19:5); yet not “joined to the Lord,” and so “made one spirit.” (1 Corinthians 6:17.) The woman only is mentioned. Yet the disruption is as frequent, and at least as guilty, from an imperious husband, as from a scolding wife.† Surely our gracious God here teaches his children a lesson too often neglected to their cost — put their necks into this sacred yoke, ‘reverently, discreetly, advisedly, solemnly, and in the fear of God.’† Let them carefully ponder the fact, that a choice influenced by the fascination of beauty, manners, or disposition, by intellect or accomplishments, if made without reference to godliness, can give no promise of the divine blessing, or of individual happiness. Often indeed it issues in a state of degradation, too painful to dwell upon, into which one or both parties are content to plunge, making themselves odious for the sake of indulging their angry passions. Nor does this apply only to the matrimonial yoke. All members of the family circle, bound together by natural ties, and living together by providential arrangements, may do not a little towards embittering each other's happiness. The subjects of these uncontrolled tempers must, however, reap the natural harvest of their seed sown, and suffer under the mortifying consciousness, that others recoil from their society, and would readily embrace, if need be, the alternative of the wilderness, as a welcome change from perpetual irritation.
‘The family,’ as Mr. Cecil justly observes, ‘is sometimes a fierce fire. Our family comprehends the greatest portion of our world. It is to us the most interesting, and therefore is capable of becoming the most trying portion.’† The child of God is bound indeed to recognize effectual and fatherly discipline in his trials from the tempers of those around him. Yet not less strange the fact, that even among Canaan's pilgrims, words are often uttered, that must produce pain; and thus thorns, which our heavenly Father hath not planted, are strewn in our brother's or sister's path. Effects still more lamentable are to be traced in impressions made upon the young, or on others watching the exhibition of such inconsistencies, where better things might have been expected.
The matrimonial “thorn in the flesh” may be a needful chastening, overruled as a preventive against self-confidence (2 Corinthians 12:7), and for the exercise of adorning Christian graces.† Yet much prayer and forbearance are required, to avoid being put out of frame with every trifle; to refrain from needless occasion and subjects of irritation; to keep aloof from the immediate bursting of ungoverned passion; and to realize present support under this heavy cross, in the assured prospect and intense longing for the home of everlasting peace.†
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